Interesting Times, Indeed.

There is an old Chinese saying/curse that roughly translates to “May you live in interesting times”. This phrase was first brought to my attention while reading the aptly named Interesting Times by Terry Pratchett. It basically means that we need to cherish the uninteresting times and when times are interesting, they are HARD (all caps and italics? I’m a wild woman!). And oh man, what a time for all of us to be alive. 

Worldwide stress and depression are making so many parts of life, well stressful and depressing. Make no mistake, this situation is serious, people are dying all over the world, every day. To say that I am terrified for my family back home is an understatement. I’m afraid for them and for myself. I literally cried in my car a couple of weeks ago because I was terrified to go to the grocery store. I still am. I’m not saying these things to fear monger, as always, this blog is mostly for me to express my thoughts to anyone who feels like listening (er… reading), and to give friends and family an update into how I am. But if getting a little cabin fever is the price to pay to protect lives, I will willingly do so.

One of the last walks Shott and I went on before the lockdown. Honestly, perfect night ^_^

And so, its sinking in that the world as we knew it is changed forever. We are never going back to our old normal. Across the globe we are experiencing grief, both preemptively (in anticipation for this virus touching our lives) and for the world we once knew. Normal is different now. I mean this in big ways and in little ways, our economic future will be forever altered, how we shop and attend events are going to be different. But so will our interactions with others, what used to be pleasantries are now serious questions that call for serious answers. “How are you?” has a different meaning now, it’s asking how you really are. Not just something nice to say, it means, are you okay, how is your family, your mental health, are you finding enough to do, do you want a chat, are you in need in some way? It means, I care and what can I do to help. Asking that question and receiving an honest response means that we are all struggling but we are here for each other.

Speaking of struggling, I legit thought I was ordering a 0.5kilo/1lb ham from the butcher and I got this 3.98kilo/8.5lb monstrosity. what i'm saying is, I'm struggling to eat it.

Not getting to leave the house sucks, but honestly it has been so good for me to just dwell with myself. Our daily lives had become so hectic that I have not felt like Erin in a long time. Since we moved to Scotland, really. I’ve been shy and quiet and just kind of dim. But staying in and spending evenings like we used to in the states has been freeing, I’m me. I can say that with confidence, the me that I like, the me that is more comfortable with my friends who live stateside has finally arrived in Scotland with a vengeance. And boy, did I miss her. I love the me that wakes up in the morning and sings ridiculous songs. The me who just says whatever is on her mind and doesn’t beat around the bush because pleasantries are stupid. I know that part of it is just being an American, and I will be aware of that and keep that to a minimum, but part of it has been the overwhelming stress of trying to please everyone here and failing every time. Because making everyone happy isn’t possible. Upsetting that it took a literal quarantine for me to just relax and adjust to living here, but c’est la vie.

For your entertainment: 2 very real outfits I wore for people to see me in; work meeting (left), grocery store (right)

While I am taking this time to find myself, I am well aware we are standing on a page of history while it's being written. So what do we do? Frankly, we don't have to do anything. If all you do is get through each day then that's enough. It's the best anyone can do is to get through this and hope that we have years of uninteresting times ahead.