Making My Place
It's been a while since my last update, sorry about that. I must have started at least 4 or 5 blogs in the last 3 months but none of them ever felt right.
Christmas was especially busy for us this year as we went back to the States to see family and friends and it was a whirlwind! I don't know if you remember from my Christmas blog in 2018 saying I missed the busyness of the season, but this year I think I've hit my limit! Instead of good tired, I was just tired. Would not recommend just going for 3 straight weeks like the energizer bunny (omg how old is this reference, do they even do energizer bunny commercials any more? does this make me an old coot?). I guarantee you will to run out of juice.
One thing that I will never enjoy about visiting Michigan is how I need to prioritize people. Honestly, it sucks-just so much, guys- you never get to spend time with everyone you want to and someone always falls through the cracks. Its like ranking everyone you know from most to least important. No one wants to be at the bottom of anyone's list! But I always feel bad about the lack of time I spend with everyone, but I chose to move, so I try my best and promise myself I'll get them next time.
Shott and I are quickly reaching the point of no return, not as in we wont come back, but eventually we will be strangers in a world we grew up in, soon we wont have a place back in Michigan. We experienced it a little while we were home, most of it was hidden by the novelty of being back for Christmas, however there was this constant underlying knowledge that I was a stranger where I was standing, but somehow I still new where everything belonged. Does that make sense? It's hard to describe.
Please don't mistake this for me not thinking people wont make room for me, or that I will be forgotten or replaced (however that is a real and visceral fear I have so no one is allowed to do that or I'll come for you in the night like Dracula. You wont expect it, but you will know why.). It's more like our experiences are so unique now because of our duel perspective that before when we moved to Scotland and were comparing everything to how we did it in America. Now when we return, we compare everything to how it is in Scotland. I did not expect reverse culture shock to be so jarring for such a small amount of time, but here we are.
The way we experience life is so different from one another but cultural touchstones are what keep us connected and feel part of a community. That's why all those "if you're a millennial you'll remember this" Buzzfeed articles are so fun to read. They bind you somewhere and make a space for you. You feel connected to something greater than just yourself, also does anyone else remember skip-its? because those things were simultaneously the greatest and most dangerous way to hit your sisters :P
But those touchstones can change depending on your experiences, and are often set in the past. What I am talking about is when I am in the present, I lose some of those touchstones because the world keeps changing around me. Sometimes I see a picture of home and I almost don't recognize it, but other times I can smell, taste, hear, and feel what is happening, like when I see pictures of the Lakes or cornfields. But every once is a great while I will see a picture of Scotland online and I get that same feeling, like I just know what it's like to be there in that moment. I guess it's just what happens when you've grown into somewhere new.
I'm sorry if this post feels ramble-y with no real conclusion, I'm still processing all these thoughts and feelings. It feels like I'm still growing up lulz. Like on some level it feels like I'm losing my place but I'm also making my own place in life, not based on any real location, but based on who I am in this moment. That's all I can ever be is just me, right now.
Christmas was especially busy for us this year as we went back to the States to see family and friends and it was a whirlwind! I don't know if you remember from my Christmas blog in 2018 saying I missed the busyness of the season, but this year I think I've hit my limit! Instead of good tired, I was just tired. Would not recommend just going for 3 straight weeks like the energizer bunny (omg how old is this reference, do they even do energizer bunny commercials any more? does this make me an old coot?). I guarantee you will to run out of juice.
One thing that I will never enjoy about visiting Michigan is how I need to prioritize people. Honestly, it sucks-just so much, guys- you never get to spend time with everyone you want to and someone always falls through the cracks. Its like ranking everyone you know from most to least important. No one wants to be at the bottom of anyone's list! But I always feel bad about the lack of time I spend with everyone, but I chose to move, so I try my best and promise myself I'll get them next time.
Please enjoy this panorama from two weeks ago when I was leaving the Trossachs it was seriously so beautiful. Be jelly.
Shott and I are quickly reaching the point of no return, not as in we wont come back, but eventually we will be strangers in a world we grew up in, soon we wont have a place back in Michigan. We experienced it a little while we were home, most of it was hidden by the novelty of being back for Christmas, however there was this constant underlying knowledge that I was a stranger where I was standing, but somehow I still new where everything belonged. Does that make sense? It's hard to describe.
Please don't mistake this for me not thinking people wont make room for me, or that I will be forgotten or replaced (however that is a real and visceral fear I have so no one is allowed to do that or I'll come for you in the night like Dracula. You wont expect it, but you will know why.). It's more like our experiences are so unique now because of our duel perspective that before when we moved to Scotland and were comparing everything to how we did it in America. Now when we return, we compare everything to how it is in Scotland. I did not expect reverse culture shock to be so jarring for such a small amount of time, but here we are.
The way we experience life is so different from one another but cultural touchstones are what keep us connected and feel part of a community. That's why all those "if you're a millennial you'll remember this" Buzzfeed articles are so fun to read. They bind you somewhere and make a space for you. You feel connected to something greater than just yourself, also does anyone else remember skip-its? because those things were simultaneously the greatest and most dangerous way to hit your sisters :P
But those touchstones can change depending on your experiences, and are often set in the past. What I am talking about is when I am in the present, I lose some of those touchstones because the world keeps changing around me. Sometimes I see a picture of home and I almost don't recognize it, but other times I can smell, taste, hear, and feel what is happening, like when I see pictures of the Lakes or cornfields. But every once is a great while I will see a picture of Scotland online and I get that same feeling, like I just know what it's like to be there in that moment. I guess it's just what happens when you've grown into somewhere new.
This is South Beach on Lake Michigan, this is why I'm not impressed by the sea. LOOK AT IT. It looks like it goes forever and its not even the biggest one! Completely off topic, I know, but I have been dying for people on Scotland to have some context for this.
I'm sorry if this post feels ramble-y with no real conclusion, I'm still processing all these thoughts and feelings. It feels like I'm still growing up lulz. Like on some level it feels like I'm losing my place but I'm also making my own place in life, not based on any real location, but based on who I am in this moment. That's all I can ever be is just me, right now.
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